It was that kind of a day!

I found a quote this week that said, It's never to too late in the day to start your day over. This is how my day went. I woke up tired just like I have the past few weeks. My body has had a hard time trying to function at full speed. Today was a breaking point for me. I have felt so physically and emotionally drained. I felt like I was losing my mind. I haven't felt like this for a long time. When I am sleep deprived I start to get really depressed. I don't like the thoughts that come into my mind. So this week I have fought such a huge battle to stay sane and free from the Adversary. He had a few blows but I came off conquer! I started the week off reading other peoples blogs and looking at Facebook and not wanting to deal with reality. A.K.A. motherhood. I wanted to shirk my responsibilities this week because I have been so tired. So and old pattern for myself is to feel sorry for myself and focus on other peoples strengths and my weaknesses. So I decided today that I was not going to sit and envy other peoples blogs and sit and think about how I wish life were easier. I decided to listen to Conference talks and Mormon Messages. I finally snapped out of it. I decided I would make cookies. I made peanut butter chocolate chip cookies and asked the kids to help me quickly clean up the downstairs while I made them. We worked together and after a quick run to the Chiropractor I was back and we were eating cookies and smiling. I then let them play the Wii while I ran upstairs and quickly cleaned it up. I even made my bed and put on a little makeup. So I win! Depression you will not have me. Too many days and weeks feeling like a worthless piece of crap! All because my body was tired. I will not go there anymore. I will not look behind. I ache for that girl sometimes. I think of my twenties and sometimes wish I could go back and change things that I have done. I know that I am a stronger better person for the experiences that I have had. I wouldn't change the outcome. I am grateful that I have learned to change the pattern. I was able to admit to Chris this week how I was feeling. I was ashamed at my behavior and a little disappointed that I could not pull myself out of the funk earlier. It is what it is. I will continue to fight the demons that so desperately want to destroy me. I know that I have a great work to do. I know that the Lord expects a lot from me. I only hope that I can find a balance of happiness that when I feel good I am happy and when I feel tired I am happy. I will continue to work on this. As for now I will continue to fight, grow and learn. It's never a wasted day if you learn something.....